There are many reasons why a traditional memorial or funeral service cannot always take place. But the value of a ceremony — to individuals and to our wider community — goes far beyond the immediate wishes of those closest to the person who has died. To honour a life lived is to recognise the struggles met along the way, and to remember that no one should be forgotten entirely.
The art of the wake has largely been lost in modern times. Much like a traditional céilidh, it was once the moment when everyone got to share something personal, offering their own memories of the person who had died — a community coming together so that many individual threads could be woven into a single, fuller tapestry of a life.
Now that the tradition has faded, I offer a service to support families by hosting a circle of memories — online or in person — where everyone gets to share their own anecdotes. This is usually offered alongside a funeral I'm already conducting, but I'm equally happy to help create a special moment out of a gathering that might otherwise drift into polite conversation around a buffet table. Such an event can provide many great lessons in life for us all.
…the ripples fan out to the shore and leave a trace of where it has been. A wake is a chance to reflect on someone's life and how it touched ours — to share grief and give voice to feelings we often keep carefully tidied away. Your testimony can be a gift to everyone who knew them.
A good wake is one where everyone who wants to speak gets to be heard, so a fuller image of someone takes shape — we see how their light is reflected in everyone else, a many-sided view rather than the single perspective any one of us held alone.
As our boat continues its journey to the other side, the arc of the wake fans out behind us and touches the shore… leaving an echo of our journey.
An online memorial is still an unusual thing for many families to consider, but it can be exactly the right answer when the people who loved someone are scattered around the country, or across the world. Without it, there's a real risk that those furthest away simply slip out of the circle — unable to take part, and unable to be properly remembered alongside everyone else.
Having conducted many ceremonies and taught online for years, I know how to build an atmosphere relaxed enough that people feel comfortable expressing themselves freely, while keeping the gathering focused and held with care.
During an online ceremony we can share music, photographs, video and personal testimonies — recordings from those who couldn't be there in person, as well as those speaking live — and sometimes break into smaller groups where old friends can catch up. Everyone gets a chance to speak, whatever time zone or continent they're joining from.
Done with the right holding, an online memorial can be every bit as profound and moving as one held in a single room. That's the kind of ceremony I aim to create — one where distance and circumstance no longer stand between a community and the chance to say a proper goodbye.
