Moments to Remember...

The art of conducting a wake has been lost in modern times... it used to be the moment when everyone would get to share their personal memories of the recently departed.

Like a ceilidh... and like Burn's Night... a wake was traditionally an event where everyone's voice was heard... where a community would come together to share the different fragments of their memories to compose a more holistic picture of the person being remembered.

Now that the tradition has been lost, I offer a service to support families with initiating a ceremony at the wake when everyone gets to share their personal anecdotes and recount memories of the person for whom everyone has gathered. Usually this service is provided for families where I am already conducting the funeral but I'm happy to support anyone who would like help in creating a really special moment that makes a truly unforgettable ceremony out of an event which can quite easily devolve into polite or even awkward conversation around a buffet table. These circles of shared memories can be facilitated at the wake in person or online.

A forgotten ritual for modern times...

Living Memorials - The Wake

A memorial done right provides the opportunity for us to share our personal experiences of someone and to participate in a celebration of their life. The time constraints of many funerals prohibit a wider sharing and so often only one or two voices are heard.

Sadly, with the world as it is today… with families spread across multiple continents and with all the other constraints on being physically together… people can slip away without being properly remembered.

The wake is a ceremony we can use to honour their life, to allow ourselves to grieve more fully in company and to share the love of that person which unites us with others.

The wake is an opportunity to honour the deceased with an appropriate tribute.

Sadly, we have largely forgotten these habits and lost sight of many functions of both funerals and wakes. Many people are now being buried or cremated without their community having the opportunity to bid them farewell... to really get to say goodbye.

And when someone manages to slip away without a ceremony… there’s also a little part of us which registers that and wonders if we’ll also disappear without a trace. Will anyone take the time to remember us? There are many reasons why funerals and wakes are the most ancient ritual humanity has performed, going back tens of thousands of years.

And unfortunately, we have lost our way in the tradition of a wake… a time when everybody gets to share their memories… to offer their individual stories of how their life was touched by the dearly departed.

Sometimes emotions are raw… it is an opportunity for an outpouring of grief… it is a time for our prayers, our well wishes… our memories to be heard so that the spirit of those we wish to honour know that they are not forgotten.

A really good wake is one where everybody gets to hear from each and every person who wants to speak… so that a fractal image of someone is formed… so we get to see how their light is reflected in everyone else… we get to see a multi-dimensional composite of their personality… not just the one-dimensional view of the way that we knew them. Everyone will have remembered something special about the dearly departed and a wake is when all those little memories get aired… so that we all get to see a deeper, broader image of the person we knew. Such an event can provide many great lessons in life fo us all.

As a boat passes through water… the ripples fan out to the shore and leave the trace of where it has been. When those waves lap onto the shore we hear the little clapping sounds of the water slapping against the rocks or gently playing along the shore. A wake is an opportunity to reflect on someone’s life and how they affected us… to share our grief and give vent to the emotions we have stored and often tidied away. Our laughter and our tears are the sounds which acknowledge how our lives have been affected by the presence of someone who is no longer with us.

Your testimony can be a gift to everyone who knew them.

During an online ceremony we share music, poetry, photographs, films… and sometimes we break off into groups where old friends can catch up.

If you feel that a memorial could serve you and others, I'll be happy to help bring that to fruition. It would be a honour to help create an unforgettable ceremony where people who are united in the affection for an individual can really share, joining together in grieving for the ways in which their lives were affected.

If you’d like me to help curate a fitting send-off for the person you love… do get in touch.

Online Memorials

Learning More About the Ones We Knew So Well...

Online Memorials

As our boat continues its journey to the other side, the arc of the wake fans out behind us and touches the shore...
leaving an echo of our journey.

Let’s connect...

Contact me for a consultation to prepare your personalised ceremony today.

Make your special moments unforgettable.